The Crucible of Marriage – Are You Good For One Another?

Crucible. Reminds you of chemistry class where you get to experiment with all kinds of liquids, stirring them together until you come up with a new solution. A new product. Forming a new whole. Sometimes a combustible whole. All in a small porcelain container that holds stuff together – a repository of your creative juices, talent and innovation.

Life has its crucibles.

I see marriage as a crucible where you, as two lovers, come together to refine, grow, cherish and inspire one another. Where the capacity to move each other to become more than you are now – in so many ways – defines the synergy you create as lovers, partners.

So, in your marriage, are you good for one another? Are you a catalyst to the success, happiness and contentment of your lover? Do you seek out ways to rock each other’s world, to let your partner know their well-being means everything to you? That you hope to be the source of smiles, hope and positivity in their life? To the extent we value and invest in the joy and life of our partner, we show the highest love – a love that seeks to bless our mate and honors their heart and spirit.

How do we become lovers who center our efforts on the person we love, not just our own wants and needs? How can we be strategic in our desire to move our partner’s world to help them grow and reach their potential for joy, success and peace? What makes us a “good for our mate” kind of guy? Here are some thoughts.

Reflect regularly on your lover’s uniqueness and find ways to let her know you see and cherish the novelty of her spirit, personality and mind. Develop an inner spirit of fondness for her individual qualities, even if they are quirky or sometimes rub you the wrong way.

  • Encourage her to cultivate her individuality – perhaps through hobbies, the friends she has or talents she can develop. Join her in events, if possible, that celebrate these experiences or areas of her life.
  • Meditate and pray for your mate often. Ask her how you can pray and support her in her challenges ahead, or successes she finds.
  • Read growthful, life-changing books and spiritual material together. Support your mate in her desire to grow in areas she identifies and try to find out specific ways you can come along side and cheer her forward.
  • Cultivate love and compassion for your lover. Reach out to her with tenderness, support and belief in her worth and unique value.
  • Find all kinds of ways to rock her world with words, touch and praise. May be a simple text message of support or encouragement or a love letter, giant hug or flower and candy you bring her way.
  • Don’t stop in your effort to reach your own potential to be a light in her life. Pray for God’s virtues to so invade your inner being that reaching out becomes a habit and not an exception. Remember, if you grow in your capacity to love and bring compassion into this world, your own momentum and inspiration will leak into your lover’s life.

Love grows when we water the garden where seeds of hope are planted, where flowers dot the landscape, replacing anger and anxiety, and where thoughts of touching your lover’s soul grow on trees reaching into the light of heaven itself. In this world, where riches abound and grow fertile from the Gardner’s hand, you will become truly “good for one another.”


About Doug and Leslie Gustafson, MFT's

As writers, speakers, therapists and coaches, our mission centers on working with men, women and couples who want a more fulfilling life by living out their true vision and passion. We have written the book Amazing Intimacy - Create A Spectacular Marriage In and Out of the Bedroom as a how to guide for love, sex and passion. Ultimately, we all have an incredible potential we have only partially discovered and fulfilled. This brief journey in life gives us the opportunity to realize and pursue this exciting potential.
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